Resolutions

My mother is dying.

Not imminently (at least I don’t think so), but sooner rather than later.  She is, as they put it, “in her decline.”  It’s a term I heard a lot in my role as a Hospice volunteer.  Not yet in the pipeline, not yet “actively dying” (another term I learned).  Think of her as a rocket on the pad, steam coming gently from various pipes, readying herself for the big push to the Great Beyond and whatever lies waiting for her.

She’s pensive, mulling.  Thinking.  Ruminating.  Chewing over her life like a cow chews cud, inspecting each portion for what sustenance it offers her on this road which she has now set her foot upon; a road along which she can draw the rest of us only so far before she must leave us to go on ahead, alone.

She doesn’t talk a lot about her dying.  The family in general becomes voluntarily deaf whenever she tries, saying things like “I don’t want to hear this” or “Oh, Grandma, you’re not dying yet.”  Their fear won’t allow them to acknowledge what they see.  I understand that pain, that reluctance to admit what stands before their eyes, but they’re doing her a great disservice.  The dying need to talk about this process, need to search their life and give it some sense of order, some meaning.  The dying need to be heard.

My mother fears that she has not always been a good parent.  (Who is?)  She worries that she will not be forgiven for transgressions she has made; forgiven, not by God, but by those she feels she has wronged.  Some of those folks I know.  I’ve asked them to come forward and tell her she’s forgiven, whether or not she really is.  Fake it ‘til you make it, as they say.  Maybe if they just say the words, it’ll come true all by itself.  Forgiveness has a way of slipping in the back door like a silent cat around your ankles.  You don’t know it’s there until you turn around.  Even then, some people boot it back outside.

I am my mother’s Health Care Proxy; a heavy role to play and one in which I need to become more active.  Calls to her doctor are in order and appointments to discuss her care.  A call to Hospice, maybe.  (Mention of that will go over like a fart in church with my father, with whom I am already at odds.  He may try to bar them from the house, I just don’t know.  Maybe he’ll surprise me, although he’s expressed his reticence to have strangers in the house and, at 91 years of age, is as obdurate as the Rock of Gibraltar.)  Still, I owe it to Mama to try.  I have that responsibility to make her passing as dignified and peaceful as I can.

I am not unaffected by the thick stew of emotions alive within my family right now.  I sometimes wish I were.  It might make things easier.  Certainly it would keep me from having those (juvenile) knee-jerk reactions to my difficult father (who has always been difficult, just ask anyone who knows him).  My work with Hospice has given me a certain degree of distance/dispassion when working with the dying and their families, but this is my family, woven of a cloth patterned with betrayals and hatreds, petty offenses and joy, loss and love.  At some remove there is affection (sometimes).  At others, outright dislike.  We are definitely not the Waltons.  How to bring us to an accord, to agree to disagree, to put ourselves aside and focus (for a change) not on ourselves and our often petty grievances, but on that woman in the bed, that woman who finds it difficult to open her eyes some days, who lays awake in the dark and thinks about those who have gone before her (brothers and sisters, her unloving mother and wretched grandmother, her grandchildren and great-grandchildren)?  How do we unite for her sake?

Maybe we don’t.  Unite, I mean.  I have to accept that possibility.  Bringing cohesion to my family is not my job, but it is my wish.  I’m hoping for a Christmas miracle, no matter what the time of year Mama chooses for her “lift off.”  We each do battle with our own demons, so I will battle mine (that knee-jerk reaction, for one) and strive to do the best I can at any given time.  Sometimes that best will be pretty good.  At others, it will be pretty lousy.  It is what it is.

Like life.

Like death.

Heads Up!

I will appear at the Groton Public Library in Groton, CT on Monday, November 16th at 7:00 pm as a participant in Local Authors Night 2009.  Please come out for the event.  Authors have a ten minute window to discuss their books/writing, and there will be books for sale (they make great holiday gifts!).

Hope to see you there.  Don’t be shy — come up and say hello!

Best Laid Plans and All That…

I don’t think it’s that I procrastinate, it’s just that there’s so many things clamoring for my attention that this blog keeps getting pushed further and further away.  I don’t like that, but I’m not sure what to do about it.  Writing, weddings, visitors, writing, yard work, writing, elderly pet issues, writing….  Guess all I can do is the best I can at the time, no matter what that is.

Of interest (well, at least to me and I hope to you as well):

http://www.examiner.com/examiner/x-3859-Hartford-Books-Examiner~y2009m11d9-Darling-Wendy

This is an interview of yours truly conducted by John Valeri.  John came to my reading/signing reception at Burgundy Books and asked to do an interview.  Of course I said yes!  He made it so easy — online questions and, best of all, INTERESTING questions.  Not the usual “Where do your ideas come from?”  At any rate, hope you enjoy reading it.

Updates:

No word so far on WEATHERCOCK, which has been offered in an exclusive to an agent in NYC.  I’ll keep you posted.

CALL OF BLOOD keeps laughing at me, but I will overcome!

And on that happy note….

News

God, what a boring blog title.  Oh, well; one can’t be erudite all the time.  <grin>

First bit of news is that I had a FABULOUS reception/reading at Burgundy Books in East Haddam, CT on Saturday, October 24 at 2:00 pm.  Linda, Chuck and  Morgan of BB really pulled out all of the stops for me and I can’t thank them enough.  What a great time!  Not only did we have a good-sized crowd, but many of those who showed up were people I either didn’t know (new contacts — yea!) or people I hadn’t seen in a long time (reconnecting — yea!).  One of my visitors I hadn’t seen since 1975 and had no idea she was coming, so that was a HUGE thrill!  (Thanks, L!)  At any rate, we had a great time hob-nobbing about books and such and they were an extremely attentive audience when it came to the reading (“Darling Wendy,” the title story from the collection).  Best of all, when it came to questions afterward, they offered up some really interesting and thought-provoking comments.  All in all, a wonderful time!

Second (though by no means SECONDARY) — the query has been sent off!  Only to one agent, as an exclusive, but I am hopeful.  I’ll keep you posted.

And now it’s time to dust off “Call of Blood” and get back to work gutting the orignal manuscript and seeing what I can make of it.  Where’s that razorblade……???

Today’s The Day

Come say hello at Burgundy Books in East Haddam, CT at 2:00 pm today!  The nice folks at Burgundy are hosting a reception/reading/book signing for yours truly and I am VERY excited!  Looks like it’s going to be a good time with lots of good food and drink, and lots of people who are interested in books.  Hope to see you all there!

Had a GREAT radio show with Barry Eva on BlogTalkRadio’s “A Book and a Chat with…”  I’ve never had 30 minutes go by so quickly, and the response to the show so far has been terrific (two sales in as many days; that’s good!)

The synopsis — I’m thrilled/relieved to say — is DONE!  The query letter — ditto!  As soon as I have a minute to breathe, I will send out a packet to the first agent on my list.  Wish me luck!!

I’m JAZZED!

Had a WONDERFUL time tonight chatting with Barry Eva on BlogTalkRadio’s “A Book and a Chat with…” (the ‘with’ being ME!).  Barry was a terrific host, put me at ease at once, and it was exactly like sharing a bit of conversation over a cuppa or two.  Barry, thanks again for having me as your guest.

For those who missed the show, you can access it at BlogTalkRadio.com.

Next up:  my reading/talking/book signing reception at Burgundy Books in East Haddam, CT this Saturday, 10/24 at 2:00 pm.  Come on down for some fun!

On the work side — the synopsis is nearly finished and I’ve begun work on the first agent letter (meaning, of course, that each agent letter is individually written because, you know, no two agents are alike).  Wish me luck!

You Gotta Have Friends…

I don’t mean the sort who gush over every word you write, who tell you that you’re perfect.  I’m talking about the friends who challenge you, who give you honest, rot-gut CONSTRUCTIVE criticism.  I’m talking about the friends who make you a better writer.

I’m fortunate to have several of these folks in my life.  Folks who believe me when I say I want their honest opinion.  Sure, there are times when I wish I’d kept my big mouth shut and asked them to gush instead…but more often than not, their criticism is spot-on.  A writer can become so blind when it comes to the work — you know it intimately, you live it every day (either during the active writing part of your day, or the rest of the time when you’re mulling over plot points).  You become too close to it.  Something that seems so OBVIOUS to you, is completely confusing to someone else.  You miss things.  You forget things.  A good reader/critic is worth their weight in gold.  They don’t just complain, they tell you WHY something doesn’t work for them.  (They won’t always be right; there will be things you won’t choose to change.  But at least give them a listen; they deserve that much for having gifted you with their time.)

EVENTS!

I have a couple of major events coming up that I’m very, VERY excited about.

The first is on Wednesday, October 21, at 6:30 pm EST (please note that EST; it’ll affect how you listen in if you live in any other time zone), when I’ll be interviewed by host Barry Eva on “A Book and a Chat…with Melissa Crandall.” You can access the interview on your computer at www[dot] blogtalkradio[dot]com/Across-the-Pond.  The show will also be available as an MP3 download at some point.  (You can get further info on Facebook as well.)

The second event is on Saturday, October 24, at 2:00 pm EST when I appear at a reception/reading/signing at Burgundy Books in East Haddam, CT. Please contact them at burgundybooks.com to reserve your spot.  We’re hoping for a large turn-out and it promises to be a lot of fun.  I’ll be talking about writing, answering questions, signing books, and reading “Darling Wendy,” the title story from my collection “Darling Wendy and Other Stories.”  Hope you can be there!

Progress!

You’ve ‘heard’ me say it before here, how hard it is to write a book synopsis, but <knock on wood> I’m getting there!  I now have what I feel is a quite workable piece and am having several people look at it — these are NOT people who will gush over anything I write; these are folks who will jab me sharp in the kidneys if I get out of line.  Once they’ve given the okay on certain points in the synopsis (things like, oh, is it interesting or a real snooze?), I’ll be ready to send it off to an agent.  With any luck, that will happen next week.  I’m very excited about this.  I have a lot of faith in this novel.  I believe that it’s a good read and entertaining.  Deep breath, then, and here goes.  The water’s only cold for a minute or two….

Freakin’ Remiss!

Seems like sometimes you have to be bad in order to be good.  Seems like something always falls by the wayside.  In my case, of course, it’s been this blog that’s languished (much like a gothic heroine, back of delicate hand to lily-white brow).  I have good reasons — the editing and finishing up of “Weathercock” and (now) the dreadful attempts to write a decent synopsis.  Honest to Pete, it’s easier to write the damn novel than it is to condense it into 5 pages or (horrors!) 1 page.  How to make the novel sound good in that tiny bit of space?  I know it can be done but, boy-howdy, is it work!

On the other hand, I have a couple of events to promote:

The first is on Wednesday, October 21, at 6:30 pm EST (please note that EST; it’ll affect how you listen in if you live in any other time zone), when I’ll be interviewed by host Barry Eva on “A Book and a Chat…with Melissa Crandall.” You can access the interview on your computer at www[dot] blogtalkradio[dot]com/Across-the-Pond.  The show will also be available as an MP3 download at some point.

The second event is on Saturday, October 24, at 2:00 pm EST when I appear at a reception/reading/signing at Burgundy Books in East Haddam, CT. Please contact them at burgundybooks.com to reserve your spot.  We’re hoping for a large turn-out and it promises to be a lot of fun.  I’ll be talking about writing, answering questions, signing books, and reading “Darling Wendy,” the title story from my collection “Darling Wendy and Other Stories.”  Hope you can be there.