Category Archives: Guilt


There was a moment last night when I wanted to shoot myself dead. It had been a tense day with Mom.  Some of those sorts of days stem directly from her behaviors.  Some stem from mine – those days when … Continue reading

Posted in Alzheimer's, children, Family, Forgiveness, Guilt, Life | Tagged , , , , , | 4 Comments

Shoveling Shit Uphill with a Sieve

One of the most difficult things caretakers of Alzheimer’s patients have to deal with is their hatred of the job.  I’m fairly open regarding my feelings, but even so I’m often bowed by guilt over the depth of my negative … Continue reading

Posted in Alzheimer's, Caretaker, Dementia, Essays, Family, Guilt, Mother, Relationships | Tagged , , , , , , , | 8 Comments

Double Edge Razor Blade

On August 20, we moved my mother into a care facility. Logically, I know this was the right thing to do.  Her confusion is increasing and while she’s still able to do a lot of self-care (wash, dress, brush her … Continue reading

Posted in Age, Aging, Alzheimer's, Caretaker, Challenge, Change, Choices, Dementia, Essays, Family, Guilt, Life, Melissa Crandall | Tagged , , , , , , , | 8 Comments


I was awakened by a horrible dream this morning.  (If bad dreams really bother you, don’t read any further.)  In the dream, I am standing on the front lawn of my parents’ house.  Movement to the right makes me turn … Continue reading

Posted in Animals, cats, Essays, Guilt, Pets | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment